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Sure, it can be difficult, but it’s full and human and adrenal and-hallelujah! And it can lead to a more spacious marriage, a connection that is full hearted and well tempered instead of taped together.
The best husbands actually are a skosh more sensitive to their wives’ feelings than your average brute of a mate is. And remember: healthy communication is a bedrock of the best relationships.It somehow validates my belief that some of the teachings I grew up with were very wrong. I rejected the teachings of courtship and emotional purity when I was 19. In fact, I have identified several ways that these teachings can damage a person’s heart. Shame because that’s “sinful” and “emotionally impure.” Shame because it sets a standard and proclaims that you are somehow shameful if you cannot keep it. Because your heart is whole and she just gave a piece of hers to a guy she isn’t married to. You have more to give your future husband than she does. This has nothing to do with the righteousness and grace of God, and everything to do with the accomplishments of man. I was trying to explain this to my friend, and it came out sounding so . Lately, I’ve also started facing the ways in which the teachings of “emotional purity,” (a la Josh Harris, the Ludys, and others) have damaged the part of my brain that makes healthy relationships function. You are considered damaged goods if you have fallen in love and had your heart broken. I remember watching a video in which one of the biggest names in the courtship movement bragged with obvious arrogance that he didn’t tell his wife he loved her until their wedding. We took something as simple as saying ‘I love you,’ built a straw man rule around it (‘saying I love you is defrauding’), then hung it like a trophy on our walls.” Job well done, folks. They create skewed views of relationships which lead to dysfunction. Where others see nothing wrong, I am suspicious of every look, every situation, every witty exchange. I feel ill at ease sometimes even talking to other men. I’m really good at pushing those feelings away and acting “normal.” But I am bothered by my reaction to everyday situations. And for more great relationship tips, here are Fifteen Ways to Impress Any Woman. Softness and kindness and tenderness and all those traits that ain’t much use in the marketplace are pure gold when it comes to being a husband. This is the fundamental impenetrable puzzle of love. But great husbands have this reality in mind at all times.Among the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other’s attempts at humor. A good husband relies on his wife, values her counsel, trusts her to love him even though he’s not in command. Fred Rogers once said that the best gift you can give somebody is to gracefully receive his or her help. Now and then, wrap your arms around your wife and whisper that you’re a mite confused. However, it might help to check out The 13 Sexiest Things You Can Say to a Woman.